The holiday season is generally and historically known as a time of joy, love, and family, but for many people it’s a time that will catch you slipping; caught sitting in our feelings, self-sabotaging, getting caught up in situationships and/or forcing connections (romantic, friendships, and family) that are no longer meant for us. I get dms and hit up all the time about how I’m speaking truth and how what I’m sharing is what someone is going through but they’re just afraid to admit it. Well, I’m never going to write about or speak on anything that I myself have not lived through and made it out of! I know personally that by sharing my experiences I’m helping someone else.
The holiday season is especially rough for me as I’ve suffered a lot of loss and if I’m not careful my thoughts will have me stuck in my feelings. However, as I reflect on my life I know that God has never put me through something that he hasn’t carried me through! I hope this makes sense to you. While I’m past the stage of loneliness and I can truly enjoy being alone, who honestly wants to be alone? Well, if it comes at the expense of my happiness or my peace I’m definitely passing on any connection.
As I get older I’ve learned that everyone who starts with me no matter what season I’m in at the moment isn’t always going to finish with me. I’m never lowering my standards and if something isn’t contributing to my peace, I’m no longer afraid to walk away! For example, when I first began having feelings of walking away from my marriage I was terrified! I was with this man for so long, and I became complacent. I kept praying to God to guide me and give me a sign. Well, at the time I didn’t understand that God was giving me signs; he allowed this man to continue to break my heart over and over until I felt empty inside. It wasn’t until I had nothing else to give did I truly understand that by fighting to keep something that was no longer for me, I was blocking my own blessings. Same holds true for a situationship I found myself in. I knew from the beginning this man wasn’t for me but I continued to repeat the cycle and tried to teach this man to be the man I needed him to be. While I’ll always have love for him, I love myself more. I had to realize that by staying I was reneging on all the healing that I had done to get to the place I am now. Letting go was what I needed to do!
It’s no doubt that women are nurturers at heart so we get so caught up with pouring into others. Unfortunately as we’re consumed with pouring into others we forget to pour into ourselves. In the end we end up empty, feeling depleted and defeated. Most recently I had to recommit to focusing on me (truth be told I got caught slipping, slipping into an old pattern of trying to maintain a connection that wasn’t for me). I realized that where I went wrong in praying for a man was praying to God for a man. I hope you caught that gem! Use this season to be still, and focus on you, your goals and your own happiness. Everything else will fall into place when it’s supposed to.
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@reneethecoach Some of us are so full of love and commitment for others that we forget about ourselves. Don’t be so committed to others that you forget to show up for yourself. Make the rest of your life the best of your life. Show up and Show out!
The Breakdown that Led to My Breakthrough 
Once again your story has hit home. Holidays are hard and I felt myself slipping back into those negative thoughts and feelings of needing to be wanted. Luckily I was able to catch myself and realize that I’m undoing all the work I’ve put into and still doing to myself. Your writings are always a source of inspiration and sheds light on experiences that many people are going through or went through. It’s nice to know your not the only one.
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