Blindsided Breakups: A thing or not a thing?

how to know a relationship is over

I recently read a post online in which a well-known rapper/entertainer mentioned being blindsided by his wife filing for divorce. The thought of this immediately sparked my interest as I thought it’s impossible to be blindsided by your marriage or relationship coming to an end. However, I now see how this is possible. For most women, myself included we see very early on when our marriage or relationship is in trouble. On one hand some of us ignore the signs (as we’re possibly strategizing our plan of getting out), others tend to speak to their close friends (seeking advice or an opportunity to vent), and some choose to confront their mates about these issues or seek professional help to sort out the issues. On the other hand I’ve heard a few men say it is indeed possible for a man to be blindsided by his mate wanting a divorce or wanting to end the relationship.

While I won’t go into detail about the validity of these points,  I do believe everyone deep down knows when the relationship is over! The million dollar question is whether or not you’re able to accept the end?   Everyone marries with the thought of finding their “forever,” intending for their spouse to be their life-long lover and companion but the reality of the matter is – life happens and unfortunately our plan is not always God’s plan.  I, myself have been in this position so I know the feeling of falling in love with someone and it not working out how I envisioned. We think that because our marriage or relationship has been built on respect, friendship, lust, love and/or unity that this is a forever thing. Unfortunately there is a chance that those dynamics will change.  Once there is a breakdown in any one of those dynamics, it’s usually a clear indication that your marriage or relationship is on the verge of falling apart or over. 

So how do you know your marriage or relationship is falling apart and/or over? 

  • Small disagreements often escalate or result in greater arguments or long lasting conflict – disagreements are normal but when they consistently lead to screaming matches and disrespect then some reevaluation is needed
  • The sight or thought of your partner changes your whole entire mood – this is an extreme circumstance but very real and most definitely indicative that the relationship is possibly over  
  • Communication is ineffective, or simply doesn’t exist 
  • The romance has faded and you no longer feel the desire to be intimate or have an interest in making an effort to work on any issues 
  • You feel like you don’t  know who your partner is anymore- you feel like strangers to one another  
  • Infidelity issues can’t be forgiven or overcome 
  • Counseling or therapy is ineffective – one person or both have checked out or given up 

These are only a few signs that your relationship may be on the verge of being over. While they may not necessarily result in the end of your relationship, they are suggestive that there’s trouble in paradise and unless both parties are committed to doing the work the union has come to an end.  

Renee_theblogger_:  The decision to divorce or end a relationship  is often one of the most difficult decisions a mate has to make about the fate of their relationship. More than likely, options, choices and scenarios have already been weighed.  Thus, the decision is  almost often never sudden and  due to reasons that have been brewing for some time… a very long time!

Published by Renee

Who can really capture who they are in a brief summary? I'm a mother, an educator and a woman that's breaking generational curses. Those who know me would say I'm honest, genuine, and a little bit of an introvert. I'm big on integrity, so I hold true to the importance of being yourself and being straightforward. As I've matured as a woman, I've learned that many of the obstacles I faced stripped me of my voice and for so many years I was held hostage to my past. I'm currently walking into this next chapter of my life no longer afraid to speak my truth and share what healing has done for me. A wise woman once told me that all that I went through was my destiny and most importantly to help others, she said, "baby it's not about you." I didn't understand it at the time, but I've accepted the challenge of going from the wounded to the healer.

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